Job/Staffing Websites Report Decline in Number of Roadie Positions:
Recent interviews with the Executives of job-sites such as Dronetemps.com and Yourglassladder.com revealed that despite an increased number of total job postings and positions on their very popular sites, the total number of positions relative to the Rock and Heavy Metal industry have begun to decline. A recent search for postings in the "Headbanger Badass" classification found a mere 2 results, one of which was for a cage dancer for Micheal Jackson's former band, and the other to remain nameless. One Willy Slidenstracker was reached for comment:
Increased Number of American Homeless Receiving Vision Benefits in Order to See The Paradise Which Surrounds Them:
The US government has unveiled a revolutionary new stimulus plan which is designed around the concept of giving glasses or contact lenses to homeless people. The strategy, as described by the CBO is intended to help America's starving homeless people to finally see and realize, that even though they have it rough, at least they're not in some hell-hole like Chambibia where 1/3 of the population is routinely mauled by wild dogs, or ZhrachisCrackistaninoff where Mental patients are instructed to package their own limbs and organs for the purpose of commercial human consumption. Study Finds Gaining Popularity by Giving Money to Lazy Slobs Not That Big of an Accomplishment Researchers Claim:
A recent study, performed by the International Council on Giving People Stuff (ICGPS) revealed that even though it might be politically advantageous to give money to lazy slobs in the short term, most people eventually see through it and agree that it's no way to build a political legacy. Yet another historical investigation by the council proved that people have attempted to gain power by giving stuff to helpless people since the beginning of time. The council added that the problem is that most of the time the lazy slobs forget exactly who it was that gave them the stuff and then thank some Republican person who is wearing a nice suit.
Typing "CTRL-F" and "Tea Party" while on CNN.com Yields No Results- March 20, 2010:
Once Enjoyable Pursuit Becomes Sad Pitiful Awareness of Continued Global Masochistic Destruction for one Area Blogger:
TCA: So you're saying blogging isn't quite as fun as it used to be?
BLOGGER: Well....It used to be when it seemed like there was still a shred of remaining brainpower on this entire planet.
TCA: (texting) How so?
BLOGGER: Well blogging used to be fun when it seemed like there was a reason but now I'm realizing that the people in this world are just too addicted to their own collective stupidity.
TCA: Wow mister. That's harsh!
BLOGGER: The whole world population is just laying there cutting itself to death recounting its own successes as total failures and seeing its failures as successes.
TCA: (texting) You're being kind of gloomy aren't you?
BLOGGER: Well, I...
TCA: Hold on I'm getting a call.
BLOGGER: Uh...
TCA: Can we continue this later? You're making me depressed.
BLOGGER: Eh....












