OBAMA HAS AIDS

THE CRACKHEAD ALMANAC

RASMUSSEN REPORTS: WORLD AWAKENING

Rasmussen Reports has provided evidence that the United States is beginning to come out of a year long coma. These numbers show that the clear thinkers are starting to outnumber the liberal wack jobs.

-THE CRACKHEAD ALMANAC

SUPREME COURT BLUES

Lovers, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong Il,
are reportedly very upset about Obama's recent
supreme court justice selection. They are each taking
solice, comforting one another in a venezuelan hotel,
eating bon-bons and drinking cosmos.












"Why did he appoint OCTOMOM instead of me?
Barry and me go way back!"

-N. Korean dictator Kim Jong Il

"I can't believe that double-crossing cheat! I'm starting
a group on Facebook, and I'm gonna to tell the world
that Obama promised the justice position to
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!......(sobb)

-Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Both have promised to spend the next weeks
launching more rockets as a love token to one another.

-THE CRACKHEAD ALMANAC

CAN YOU AFFORD FREE SPEECH?

Today, the Wall Street Jounal has released
an article:

BLOGGERS, BEWARE!

The Article highlights a study produced by
Harvard University, which discusses numerous
lawsuits filed against Bloggers in the United States.
The article mentions that most suits are thrown out of
court, but seeks to caution people in general, against
writing or posting online, any thing which could be
construed as negative, against anyone, whether that
person be a politician, doctor, professor, or contractor.

It is no surprise that this study exists as a product of
liberal academia, and condemns solitary individuals,
from speaking their thoughts, against others, or against
the mainstream media. The question exists, does the
study seek to inform Bloggers? Or is the study simply
another way to scare conservatives and individuals from
speaking without a protective legal shroud like MSNBC,
CNN, or The United States Government?

Is the article simply an advertisement for insurance
companies?

It is true that on the Left, we find:

The United States Government
The Academic Elite
The Liberal Mainstream Media
Hollywood
Criminals & Jihadists
Foreign Owned Record Labels

-As well as Popular people who say
whatever they feel like every hour on
the hour without a second thought, perhaps
because they are rich, or able to afford
any and all lawyers willing to sue any
adversary there may be.

On the Right we find:

Rapidly Silenced Politicians
Angry Frustrated College Students
The Hard Working Middle Class
Surviving Infants
Alternative Media & Bloggers
Miltary Veterans

The point being, that no one would love to
silence the right wing Blog-O-Sphere more,
than the academic elite, and the mainstream
media. Is SNL afraid of lawsuits? Are Wanda
Sykes and Whoopi Goldberg or Janeane Garofalo
sitting around worrying about lawsuits or audits?
Of course not! Either way, Free Speech is not to
be bought and sold, but rather an

INALIENABLE RIGHT.

Bloggers, beware of liberal scare tactics.

-THE CRACKHEAD ALMANAC

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER

White House: "Iran is test firing Rockets,
and that's OK."
White House: "North Korea is test firing Rockets
over Japan, and that's OK."
White House: "America should not have
nuclear weapons."
White House: "Terrorist detainees should be released."
White House: "Israel should accept a Palestinian
state, and should not defend itself against a
possibly nuclear Iran."
White House: "Woops, we flew an airliner and
a fighter jet over NYC on accident."
White House: "Mexico's Drug war is the fault
of licensed, American gun salesmen."
White House: "Im the Vice President, and this
is the secret place where I will hide in case of
emergency."
White House: "Britain's and France's opinions matter
little to us."
White House: "Automobiles should be more deadly."
White House: "We will take necessary measures to further
disarm law abiding American citizens."
White House: "We are only in full control of the
Automotive, Medical, Banking, Financial, and Petroleum
industries...For now."
White House: "Labor Unions are great for business."
White House: "Government Money will not finance construction
projects where Christianity is openly practiced."
White House: "Taxpayer dollars should pay for abortions
on foreign soil."
White House: "We are increasing the national debt at
an unprecedented rate and thats OK."
White House: "We are sending 1 Billion in american taxpayer
dollars to predominantly muslim foreign regions."
White House: "The medical profession should not be a
free capitalized industry where profit is attainable."
White House: "Miltary Veterans are a threat to national security."
White House: "People who love the United States, and
its constitution, are a threat to National Security."
White House: "The Notre Dame campus is a place where people
who voice the beliefs of the Pope, shall be arrested."




So.........You people really voted for this? This is
what you wanted?

CORRECTION!

Editors of THE CRACKHEAD ALMANAC
wish to clarify, that neither the GMCEB nor
the LBCSRA bills (to their knowledge)
have been passed, voted on, or even written
as of 5:36 PM CST May 19, 2009.

Thank You.

NEW GOVERNMENT RESTRICTIONS

As another day is born in Washington D.C.,
so is a flourishing cocktail of wonderful new
bills, containing ever more blessed legislation and
wire-rimmed wrist-slapping. America, please enjoy
a perusal of this new legislation you (stupidly)
voted for.

G.M.C.E.B.:

The Governmental/Military Carbon Emissions Bill
of 2009 seeks to limit carbon emissions and smog,
created by not only Presidential Motorcade vehicles, but
also specialized military vehicles, such as HMMVs,
Helicopters, Fighter Jets, Tanks, and Off-Road
Motorcycles used by infantry. Barack Obama has
promised to sell existing "highly pollutant" military
vehicles to Palestinians and Pakistani police organizations,
while inacting strict guidelines for the production of a
cleaner, greener, more environmentally-friendly military
force. Sources claim that Air Force One will undergo
detailed modification, as weapons designers pursue
missles and ammunition designs, which emit a lesser
degree of fire, smoke, carbon dioxide, or carbon monoxide.

L.B.C.S.R.A.:

The Legislator Bull Crap Spewing Reduction Act of 2009
seeks to limit stupid random laws which crash down from D.C.,
like anvils upon the backs of this lap-dog populace. Not
only does the LBCSRA restrict governmental funding for
pointless programs which do nothing more than win a few
thousand uneducated votes for this politician or that, but the
LBCSRA contains new strict guidelines for limiting the
"Bull Crap Legislative Footprint" of many of Washington's
most liberal politicians. The Bill, (which will force Ivy-League
Elitists to undergo real world operations, such as A) Starting
a lemonade stand, or B) Learning to change spark-plugs on
their own 6000 lb luxury sedans or C) Trying to find the
breaker box in thier own home) has promised to have a
highly positive effect by polluting the atmosphere with
hard-earned common sense and reducing the spread of
unwanted Legislative "Bull Crap."

Oh Shirley you can't be serious.

-THE CRACKHEAD ALMANAC

KEYES ARRESTED AT NOTRE DAME

SWINE FLU PROPHECY

Consider...

Barack Houdini Obama: From ILLINOIS.
Sarah Palin: From ALASKA.

Consider the amount of swine flu cases,
as a measurement of predisposition towards
PORK,
and popular alignment with socialist and communist
concepts so popular in a place like Mexico....

Swine Flu cases by state:

ALASKA: ZERO CASES OF SWINE FLU. = 0
ILLINOIS: THE MOST CASES OF SWINE FLU. = 620+

Well since we want Mexican Health Care, looks like
we elected a person from the proper state of the
union.

So what if its a stretch. Its fact.

-THE CRACKHEAD ALMANAC.

GREAT WORK!

Congratulations to Donald Trump, Carrie Prejean, Dick Cheney,
and anybody who is currently attempting to scare the hell out
out of Nancy Pelosi! (She should be waterboarded, probably.)

Aww, heck congrats to Barack Obama for not releasing the
Interrogation photos, and congrats for recent efforts against
Radical Islam and Al-Qaeda.

THE CRACKHEAD ALMANAC.

CRACKHEAD FINANCE

Click for Larger Image

-THE CRACKHEAD ALMANAC

PAPERWORK REDUCTION ACT OF 1995

A very fine piece of legislation..Yes indeed!
Irony at its finest ladies & gentlemen:

THE PAPERWORK REDUCTION ACT OF 1995

PRINTABLE VERSION

Feel free to print lots and lots of copies of this
23 page document!

-THE CRACKHEAD ALMANAC

BITCH CALLED WANDA

This is too damn easy.

-THE CRACKHEAD ALMANAC

OH NO! YOU! DIDN'T!

Haha....

Ok some thoughts about Saturday's White House Dinner...

Obama joked about the GOP not qualifying for a bailout,
and accused Rush Limbaugh of being somewhat of a

wanna-be "troubled asset."

Ironically, though, while, Limbaugh is
raking in ca$h and ratings, the newspapers and print
media, in fact,

DO QUALIFY FOR A BAILOUT,

AND ARE, IN FACT,

TROUBLED ASSETS.

Nevertheless, Barry hands them accolades and awards
because in failing as "private businesses" (yeah, right) they
are a representation of Obama's ideal company, which is
one which fails and therefore constantly seeks the
government's help.

And Barry, while we are drawing analogies, between
political partie$ and private corporations, the Dumb-o-Critical
left wing, went morally and intellectually BANKRUPT, before
anyone could take notice, and was rapidly BOUGHT OUT by
radical islam, Karl Marx, and GEORGE SOROS.

So at least the GOP is owned by Americans on American soil, and
doesnt owe a damn thing to Hamas.

Wanda, hope you get lesbo-Bitch-aids and swird flu.

-THE CRACKHEAD ALMANAC

OBAMA NAMES NEW SUPREME COURT JUSTICE

Editors are pleased to note that Barack Hussein
Obama announced in a press conference earlier this
afternoon that one

MR. SHANIQUA CURTIS MARTINEZZ

Is the newest (and most booty-licious)
of the supreme court Judges. Left wing "bloggers"
and MS&M pundits are all up in a "tizzy"
over Obama's choice for MARTINEZZ
(with two "z"'s) to fill the vacant Justice position.

"Shaniqua is sure to teach all of us a thing or two
about tolerance and reconstructive surgery!"
-Arian Huffington of THE HUFFINGTON POST

Obama, during the unbearable duration of the
drivvel & melanin worship laden press conference
gave a few insignificant reasons for choosing Mr.
MARTINEZZ.

"Thank you all for polishing my shoes, one by one,
now let's get down to business. I am, today,
announcing that MR. SHANIQUA CURTIS
MARTINEZZ will be the person to fill the vacant
supreme court position. Mr. MARTINEZZ, though
once only a man, is now a woman as well as a man.
and though, he, er...uh, um she...What is it again?
um, Right! Though Shaniqua once claimed to be
a woman trapped in a man's body, he/she is now
outwardly proud of the fact that she was born
as a hermaphrodite trapped in a womans soul.
And though Shaniqua once claimed it was white,
he, er she, can now proudly proclaim her latin AND
African nationalities as a result of americas fledgling
medical technologies. She is neither a transvestite,
nor a hermaphrodite, but thank heavens, it
certainly isn't WHITE! It is neither truly human,
nor wholly extraterrestrial. But at least he's not
a capitalist pig! We were searching for a young
minority woman in a 5th world region, who was
infected with not only HIV but also swine flu. Sadly,
WAHKANUKABUHKOO-KWALIB passed away
earlier this morning, so Mr. SHANIQUA appears
to be the next best THING.......
Martinezz's approach to life is the character
equivalent of my approach to the presidency, namely,
that of be all things to everybody, unless it means
ever being rational in any way, whatsoever."

-Barack Hussein Obama

Best of luck to you SHANIQUA!

UPDATE: Sources are now asserting that Wanda
Sykes has been given the position instead.

Sorry SHANIQUA!

-THE CRACKHEAD ALMANAC

YES YOU CAN SWINE FLU!

The Swine Flu (H1N1) has yet to claim one American life on
US Soil. It has however acheived a slight percentage of the
malice inflicted by the average flu. In much the same way
that the television and print media placed an in-experienced
foreign born(allegedly) entity in the Oval Office, They are now
going to great lengths to encourage and ensure the success of
everybody's new famous little buddy now known as the Swine Flu.

"Good luck Swine Flu! You have our support!"
- CNN

"It hasn't killed yet, but pretty soon, it probably will!"
- Today Show

"I just got hired to be a camera man for the local TV
station, because they are filming an old woman that
might have swine flu."
-Jimmy the homeless man.

"You never know, that swine flu just might up and mow
down everybody in its path! We're all standing by,
awaiting its wrath!"
-ABC news team Oregon









Above: Swine Flu (H1N1) struggling desperately to kill on US
soil, though his malice has recently waned despite much
appreciated encouragement from the television & print media.

-THE CRACKHEAD ALMANAC

ANY IDEAS?

When i was a kid in elementary school I always
wondered how someone like Hitler or Stalin could
take over in such an efficient manner, yet make so
many mindless errors and commit random attrocities
without a second thought. We are in a nation, where our
governing body says:

"Haha, there is no "war on terror...there is not even such
a thing as "terrorism!" You people are afraid for no reason!"

And then turns around and says:

"This "H1N134IU-ATR/WER (dont offend the piggies) -
werFE89" disease is the worst outbreak in history! We
have to stay off of planes and subways! We cant shut
down the border, because, we all know the disease came
from America just like the drug cartel's arsenal, It is
ALL AMERICA'S FAULT! But to show there is no such
thing as terrorism, we are going to fly aircraft over
MANHATTAN all dam day."

And people are being told that loving and defending thier
home, and its constitution is illegal, told that by people from
other continents, the quasi socialist health-care is to thank
for 159 mexican deaths, and the capitalist healthcare system
is to thank for only one IMMIGRANT death, yet we are told
socialist health care is the only option.

Where is the answer? Any ideas?

OBAMA: "NOT" "AWARE."

OBAMA APPROVAL RATING

(Among the multitude of demons inside his own head)
is at a record high today. Or they are high, off the abundant
cocaine residue perhaps....Obama's approval rating, is also
reaching a record level among IED builders in pakistan, as
well as among the numerous rampant terrorists who
have been recently released from Gitmo.

OBAMA APPROVAL RATING STUDY

Minions of Satan............................................95.456 %
Saudis.......................................................................22%
Pakistani terrorists................................................96%
Relatives & descendants of SS members.............34%
Jackal Hunters.........................................................NA
Greedy Amm0 dealers (as of 4:49 pm CST).......85%
People who hate America
but are too stupid to fill out a G.D.
passport application or pass thru an airport
metal detector without setting off alarms by
shouting "PRAISE TO OBOMBA!!!!" And
are too dumb to figure out where on a globe is
"America" or "Not-America."............................120%

So, that pretty much wraps up any and all
discussion of public opinions which matter
according to the white HAUS.

On a lighter note, Adolf Hussein is now apparently
proposing a BAN ON RELOADING of ammunition.
Chairman is most likely doing this to scare the
American people like an ant in a magnifying glass,
but regardless, gun shops are making loads of cash
and patriots are scared s***less because of this

UBER-POSSESSED MANIAC
IN THE WHITE HAUS!!!!!!!!!

Reloading ban to eliminate pipe-bomb manufacturing?
Who knows........Obama is taking daily measures to
absolutely piss-off americans so he can send out
napolitano and holder to make fun of people who
are angered. Every last one of these dumb measures
is just a patriotism meter Obama uses to alienate and
isolate true americans from those around them.

The great unifier. Unifying what? The living with the dead?

-THE CRACKHEAD ALMANAC

MISS USSA 2010

Click for larger image

-THE CRACKHEAD ALMANAC